The following compilations are my top ten do’s and don’ts to say to your pregnant friends and/or family. If anyone reading this has been pregnant and would like to contribute to the list, please do. Let’s enlighten everybody.
Okay, so let’s start with positives. These are my top ten things you SHOULD say to a pregnant woman.
Appearance and Lifestyle
1. Pregnancy really agrees with you!
2. You are glowing! And I LOVE your shoes!
3. I can tell you’re trying really hard to be healthy! You’re doing everything right!
4. You have so much motivation to exercise while you’re pregnant!
5. Stop feeling guilty!
6. Your maternity clothes are so cute!
7 . I can’t tell you’re pregnant from the front! It looks like a little basketball under your clothes!
8. You work so hard!
9. Put your feet up, take a warm bath, and get a massage!
10. You are the most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever seen!
Choices
1. That’s great! I respect your choice!
2. Labor at home sounds like an incredible experience, and you will love it! It will change your life!
3. I can see you’ve really done your homework.
4. Women are just trying to scare you when they say that!
5. That was a smart decision!
6. Everything will turn out just the way you've planned!
7. I’m GLAD you want to breastfeed! I’ll help you in any way I can!
8. You can handle anything!
9. Labor? It’s not as bad as some women say!
10. You’re coping so well! You’re a rock star! You are ROCKING THIS PREGNANCY!
Okay, now let’s move on to things NOT to say, EVER, to a pregnant woman. I’ve heard all of them.
1. Are you CRAZY?!?
2. You’re going to hate that decision later.
3. The difference between a dead baby and a live baby is a CPR class. You’d better take one.
4. Your "giny" will never be the same after you give birth.
5. Wow. You have a huge baby in there. Huge. Seriously, that kid is going to be huge. That’s a big belly for a tiny woman.
6. You’ll change your mind about that. Just wait.
7. You’re going to be sorry if there is an emergency and you have a home birth. My baby was born with (insert disaster here) and WE BOTH would have DIED if we hadn’t been in the hospital.
8. My baby was born prematurely when I went out of town, you should just stay at home the rest of the time.
9. The WORST part of labor was (insert disgusting horror story here).
10. A huge beast stepped on my plant and killed it. (This person has apologized profusely and very sincerely but in my hormonal emotional state its really only ok when I call myself a huge beast. Any other time I might have laughed. Not this time).
Thankfully, I am FINALLY learning how to blow them off. Like, in the past week. And some change has come over me, because I am finally able, in this last week, to be able to honestly look at myself and feel a certain sense of prettiness, and to actually love the belly. Not just accept it, but love it.
Why do people say weird things to pregnant women? And women who have had babies are equal offenders in the matter. My husband and I were just talking about this. It seems other women LOVE to share their horror stories, as if it’s their badge of honor. Why can’t having a simple, uncomplicated, safe, and healthy birth be a badge of honor? Why can’t so many women relish the chance to say “My birth went so well-we had no complications and everything was peaceful?” Instead, women love to come up to any random woman on the street that they may see with a belly and say “I labored for 36 hours and every moment was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.” Maybe it’s true, but if it is, keep it to yourself and SHUT UP THE FUCK UP, FOR GOD’S SAKE! BE SUPPORTIVE! Just because your birth was awful doesn’t mean mine will be!!!!
I am reaching a peaceful state of mind about our upcoming home birth after having our official home visit yesterday. I’m ready for whatever the moment brings. I have been hearing a word lately that has really resonated with me-surrender. There is only so much I can control when the moment comes. I will know my environment. I will know the 5 people who are there to help me. I will have some tools at hand that I’ve learned to try and cope with. Beyond that, the entire effort is a surrender to what my body is going to do, and I cannot control that in any way. I can only let go. Surrender puts you at peace in your heart. Knowing you cannot manipulate a situation to go the way you want is calming. Knowing that all you can do is go with it is actually comforting. This isn’t a test that I’m about to fail for lack of studying. It’s possibly messy and loud and painful, but not scary, not controlled by doctors, and not life threatening. And not controlled by me. What a relief. It’s a big burden lifted, actually. Before, I was taking total responsibility for how things were going to progress. Now, all I have to do is let it progress, and whatever happens, happens.
Just because...
Favorite foods while pregnant
1. Cereal & milk
2. Pineapple
3. Cottage cheese with sliced pears
4. Fruit Roll ups
5. Steak
6. Peanut butter
7. Strawberries
8. Potatoes
9. Granola bars
10. Banannas
Hug your pregnant friends today and tell them they are beautiful. If you keep saying it, they will start to believe it. It takes dozens of good comments and positive attitudes to make a pregnant woman feel secure and happy, and JUST ONE comment to bring everything crashing down to the ground and shake her confidence and make her cry! So everyone, both men AND WOMEN, please choose your wisdom carefully when sharing it with a woman who is nervous and pregnant for the first time-she’s freaking out way more than she lets on.
